Nosce Te Ipsum
I often don’t reblog or post other than pictures, but I felt this was necessary. FistFullofFilm was always about taking other’s portraits. I’m often told, that, I’m never in the picture. Most times its due to the camera and the craft being so technical, that I don’t trust others to do it correctly the first time. But in every photograph people use as the Facebook Profile, or showcase who they want to be seen as, my signature is there, in the exposure, in the light, in cinematic quality of the portrait. Being a photographer you are often giving the other party all the glory, and your ability to create those images can often be conveniently used.
I know that in people’s home computers, they will see my image, and they will “see” me through the care and love I place into the way I photograph. But I don’t do it for that. I shoot because I love it. I’ve built a career in the largest American city because of that love. I’ve developed my own processes, came up with new color techniques, researched 35-52 year old lenses, and found them, converted film backs because no one else would, and found film that people threw out because of a perceived expiration. I don’t type this because I want people to know, I type it because it is part of who I am.
I recently read this Commencement Speech, and looked back on what I’ve done, and felt pleased. Pleased I wasn’t driven by economics to do the job that paid the most, or that satisfied my social ladder.
I did what exactly I was supposed to do with the Gifts I’ve been given, and that was get wisdom in the craft and use it to serve others. I get no $ from what it is that I do(with fistfulloffilm), but I get something that last a whole lot longer. And it is the satisfaction that I go to work, and completely love every moment I’m there.
The passion is infectious, and it ratifies in my heart that pursuing what it is you are passionate about lines you up with your temporary place on this planet. That others will dog you, they will steal your work so its floating on their TV screens, they will chastise, ridicule and jeer your efforts, but capitalize on your successes. But their prison, is that they will never know what it is to feel something bigger than miniscule projections of themselves. They will think it to be something, a visualization of their place in this world. But they will be wrong, and not alone in that wrongness. They will ascribe to God and find value in their belief circles, but not in the perspective of having Freedom with that Belief. Of using their God Given ability and utilizing it for serving.
They will never understand the wasted life they have lived due to tradition and adhering to the Chatty Cathies and their perceived influence. And resting on the laurels of accolades versus actual achievements like David McCullough speaks of. And most of them will not know anything about what is they want to do with their time here, and sadly they may not be passionate about anything. So they will mask it, and claim it into a generic spot, “of just wanting to be happy,” ”of living for my <fill in the blank> person,” of ancillary things that have no bearing on the character of that one person, they plagerize, they adopt someone else’s pregnant dream, and find themselves at the ass end of life either financially up or down, but inside a dull lifeless hulk of flesh, not knowing who they even are while they numb their mind on amusement. I’m thankful that isn’t me.
I know Me, and I’m not Alone.